Summer is coming and that can only mean one thing: Bird Poop. It’s everywhere. According to Fecal Experts, Bird excretion is the most commonly recognized waste matter next to Human and Dog (I made that up... at least I hope to god no one is stuck with a title as terrible as Fecal Expert). Why is this? Well I, not being a Fecal Expert but rather an observant fellow, have the following theory. The Percentage of Excretion Recognition is equal to the Population of the organism doing the pooping divided by the frequency they are seen eating in a given area.
Well I had come up with this equation, and was walking to a babysitting job (more on that tomorrow) when I saw a little squirrel up in a tree. That’s when it hit me. I see squirrels every single day ¾ of the year (that’s excluding Winter). So, why do I not know what squirrel doodoo looks like? Have I ever even seen Squirrel crap? How would I know? All Squirrels do is eat, so surely they must, at some point, pass that solid waste through their digestive system.
Even stranger, I can tell you exactly what bunny fecal matter looks like. And how often do I see bunnies? No. There is a deeper darker secret here. Clearly something is happening with these mammals and I was going to figure it out. My hypothesis: Squirrels eat their own feces. What would drive them to this concept? Well, climbing up and down trees all day, you’re going to need a lot of nutrients. And, as every Fecal Expert will tell you, about 33.7% of the vitamins and minerals vital to your health remain in you waste as it leaves your body. So, in theory, the healthiest of the health nuts should be eating their own poopy (or at least should by 33.7 percent more food).
So there you have it. Squirrels do excrete waste. The myth has been proven. The mystery solved. The popular children’s book Everyone Poops rings true! Squirrels poop. Squirrels are just smarter than us, and also more efficient. Think of how the world would change if people would follow the way of the squirrels. Join our gray tailed brethren in the fight for better health!
(Did you realize I said poop in 7 different ways without once saying a bad word beginning with an SH and ending with a T.)
1 comment:
http://zoology.suite101.com/article.cfm/scatology
here is an article about recognizing different animals by their fecal matter that I thought you might enjoy.
In biology last year I was informed of fecal transplants, in which a relative of the patient donates their own poop to said patient, who then has it shot up their bum as a method of bringing colon bacteria back into the system. Thank goodness the textbook did not have a picture.
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